Dad remembrance pilgrimage: Day 5

Previous entry: Visitation, Des Moines, Iowa

July 14, 2022: Funeral, Des Moines, Iowa

“Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” As a pastor and chaplain I have said those words to families countless times. It is quite a different experience being on the receiving end of them.

The familiarity of the liturgy and the music is what carried me through dad’s funeral. We heard songs, passages, and prayers that Christians have turned to for generations. The same hope that carried them through their times of loss carried us as well. It was proof we were not dealing with our grief alone.

To be surrounded by family, friends, and people I don’t know, but who knew dad, was incredibly comforting as we gathered in the sanctuary of Union Park Presbyterian Church, the congregation dad and my stepmom had made home following his retirement. We heard from previous military and civilian colleagues, as well as members of the family. In that moment we didn’t have to pretend that everything was okay, while at the same time acknowledging the relief we felt that dad was no longer suffering.

There were too many people there to mention them all, but one special surprise needs particular recognition. Marcia Braley was not only my 2nd grade teacher, she was also a family friend throughout our time in Brooklyn. Her husband was a Marine veteran of Iwo Jima. Dad officiated his funeral and supported their son in also becoming a Presbyterian pastor. The family connections are long and deep. Having her and her son there was an incredible gift.

Military honors were conducted at the Iowa Veterans Cemetery and we spent the rest of the afternoon together eating, sharing stories, and reflecting on the many ways dad touched every member of our family.

Three weeks later: emotions still are a mixed bag

Three weeks after saying goodbye to dad, my emotions are still hard to describe. I am simultaneously relieved and hurting. Getting to spend so much time with family over the next couple weeks was a gift. The funeral service service and pilgrimage which followed provided a deeper level of healing than I can possibly explain.

Finally, I remain utterly indebted to everyone who was there to pay their respects to dad, and to those who led the service. Only a full worship service would have been appropriate for such a dedicated servant of the church. Everyone came together to make it happen and for that our family will be eternally grateful.

Next leg: Des Moines, Iowa to Omaha, Nebraska